Ants in my Pants

What is the best way to make your new neighbors think you have lost your mind? Begin throwing all your clothes, blankets, and laundry hamper out of your window on to your patio below! The following are the events that led to my apparent loss of sanity:


All week, the student I work with was adamant that "on Thursday, Ms. Jessica is going to get sick and never come back." He has proven to be somewhat knowledgeable about the future before, and one day broke down in tears saying he needed to call mom, at the approximate time she fell at home and broke her ankle.

Thursday was a rough morning to begin with. When I set my alarm, I forgot that I had to take the girls by my parent's house before work, so I was running late to start. However, I managed to get out of the house only two minutes behind schedule! Then I realized that I had forgotten the videos that I was supposed to show that day, and had to turn around. I was late for work. During first period, I felt myself get bit twice- once on the leg and once on the hip. I looked at my hip and it was swollen and purple! I excused myself to the restroom, and checked my thigh: there was a raised, red welt the size on my hand, and it was hot to the touch. I called my mom, who was coming up to the school shortly, and asked her to bring me benadryl. After I took it, the swelling went down on my hip, but not my leg. The school nurse looked at it and told me to "go to the doctor- TODAY! Call him now." Apparently MRSA is going around the schools! I went to the minute clinic where they checked it out, and it was not MRSA, yet. I had to go on a very high dose of antibiotics- four times a day! She also gave me a prescription for a cream to treat MRSA, if it got worse, but told me not to fill it yet. She said not to go back to work that day, so I headed to pick up Punky, who was having pizza with my mom and my brother's class.

On the way to the pizza place, less than a block away, my car stalled in the middle of an intersection. I couldn't get my hazards to work at first, and I had Scout in the car. I frantically called my mom, as I repeatedly tried to get my car to start. She ran out, and together, we pushed my all-American steel station wagon across the street into a parking lot. During this test of brute strength, I hit my eye on the door, and cut it!

That afternoon, I went home, and began taking the antibiotics, which did help my leg. However, it also made me nauseous. I didn't feel great, but at least I did not have to go to work on Friday.

Friday evening, Marvin went to work, and I went upstairs to change clothes, because, by this time, I had thrown up twice, and wasn't feeling great. It was then that I discovered thousands of fire ants in my clean laundry and swarming all over the floor. I called maintenance, who told me the grounds people handle bugs, and they probably wouldn't be in until Monday. "Why don't you go buy some spray?" "Because my car is broken down, and my husband works overnight!"

I had to get these ants out- now! I had already been bit a few times and was having an allergic swell. Since they were mostly infesting my clothes, I figured to best way to get the ants out, was to get the clothes out. So I opened the window, popped out the screen, and wildly began throwing anything that the ants touched out the window! Socks and jeans rained down! T-shirts were hanging from my gazebo! I vacuumed all that remained and took out the canister. I made the decision that the girls and I would sleep downstairs to avoid any unwanted bedfellows. I then proceeded to spend the next six hours puking my guts out!

I did gather all my clothes in a basket, but they remain on my back patio, until I can drown all those little buggers in my washing machine!