...Never part of the crowd.
I did something today I shouldn't have done. I looked at old photos from, well I probably shouldn't say, but its was an organization that I was heavily involved in for many many years, and that I thought I was a major part of. Nope. I realize I was only there out of their obligation to permit me, and I was rarely if ever invited to the behind the scene fun.
I always knew I was kind of the pariah in high school. I was a little too goody-goody, and know-it-all too really be accepted. People were nice to me, but I was never invited to do things outside of those halls. In college, I was told by a male high school classmate, that he had been interested in me back then, but his friends strongly discouraged it. That kind of broke me; before I could pretend I was paranoid, but that statement crushed my spirit.
I have gotten to the point where I don't really have many friends. Oh, I have plenty of acquaintances and others I hang out with, but no one to call and pour my heart out to when I feel defeated. I guess that is why I blog, haha.
PS: Upon rereading this I feel like even more of a loser.
2 comments:
I know exactly what that feels like. Especially the goody goody know it all part. I can't help it- if I know something about a subject I feel the urge to share- much to my social detriment.
I have to say I know exactly how you feel. I too don't have many true friends, but a lot of people I would call acquaintances. And I never really dated anyone in high school either. Though I thought I was a pretty cute girl (not gorgeous but not hideous) not a single person in my very large high school ever asked me out. Have to admit it still bothers me and wonder what people saw that they thought was wrong with me.
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